DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better

“Here comes Chekov’s sack!”
The panel of peril scrub themselves down with a wire brush and bleach having already watched this week’s film, Audition (Takashi Miike, 1999).
Shigeharu Aoyama (Ryo Ishibashi) is a single parent with his own, successful, film production company. He is also extremely lonely. Knowing this, his friend Yasuhisa arranges for a film audition to double as an interview process for a romantic partner for Shigeharu, unbeknownst to the women. Or is it? Taking a shine to Asami Yamazaki (Eihi Shiina), the widower may get more than he bargained for after a brief getting to know you period. Oh my, yes.
Watch the (spoilerific) trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBQHp2__AVQ
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
She’s insane guys. She’s absolutely insane. Asami enjoys nothing more than paralysing men with poison, before dissecting them slowly for her own amusement. Seriously, do not watch this one if you are averse to explicit gore. How can Shigeharu possibly escape the clutches of Asami once tangled in her web?
What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon the villain’s dastardly scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?
Music from Electronic Rock (King Around Here) - Pixabay

“He’s got quite a punchable face”
The panel of peril jump onto the dance mat at their local arcade, kicking some major butt, before relaxing at home with their best gal (not even holding hands) and watching this week’s film Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Edgar Wright, 2010).
Scott (Michael Cera) is a young roustabout who has a band named Sex Bob-omb and high school girlfriend named Knives Chau (Ellen Wong). But when the mysterious Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) arrives on the scene Scott must heroically dump Knives and battle seven evil exes to win the heart of the blue haired beauty.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wd5KEaOtm4
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
One by one Scott must defeat each of Ramona’s evil exes, before reaching final boss Gideon Graves (Jason Schwartzman) and defeating him in mortal combat. Can Scott turn them all into a big pile of coins on the floor, or will Gideon make it game over for our young hero?
What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be anointed this week’s most diabolical?
Sound Effect by UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect by beetpro from Pixabay

“I see myself as a bit more fruity. I'm not a macho guy, wondering where my testicles have gone. I still know where they are”
The panel of peril pick up an excessively large ball of popcorn from a bowl on their kitchen table. They chisel off a portion-sized amount, and dive onto the couch to watch this week’s film Gentlemen Broncos (Jared Hess, 2009).
Benjamin Purvis (Michael Angarano) is a young writer with a dream of paying tribute to his late father by publishing his pulp sci-fi tome Yeast Lords. Attending a writer’s symposium, featuring a talk from his favourite author Ronald Chevalier (Jemaine Clement), should give him a leg up on the competition, but desperate people do desperate things. One desperate person in particular.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdpFpfIBkXc
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Little does Benjamin know that Chevalier is struggling with his latest novel, has his publisher ready to drop him, and he has zero qualms with plagiarising the (better) work of others. How can Benjamin prove the original work was his, and that Chevalier has simply added the suffixes ‘onius’, ‘ainous’, and ‘anous’ to his characters’ names? That would be telling.
What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon the villain’s dastardly scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?
Music by Ghost Coast 2030 - Pixabay
Music by Meditation Sounds - Pixabay
Sound effect by BLASTER 2 - Pixabay

“Hey, I’ve got some plums. Let’s go down to KFC”
The panel of peril take a quick break from the important business of smashing up a small pile of rocks using a big bone to watch this week’s film. Yes, it’s the proverbial good science fiction film, 2001: A Space Odyssey (Stanley Kubrick, 1968).
Since the dawn of time man has wanted to destroy the moon. But when an ancient, unknowable, mysterious black monolith shows up on the moon will it be us (humankind) who are to be the destroyees? What does the object portend, and what influence will it hold over man and technology?
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR_e9y-bka0
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
A manned mission to Jupiter to locate another monolith goes seriously awry thanks to an AI named Chat GPT… ho ho ho, I mean HAL 9000 (voiced by Douglas Rain). The ship’s operating system develops a genocidal attitude in the pursuit of the monolith, leaving Dave Bowman (Keir Dullea) as the only man able to stop it. Aye carumba (as they say in the far flung future of the year 2001)!
What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon the villain’s dastardly scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?
Music by Lesfm from Pixabay
Sound Effect by SamuelFrancisJohnson from Pixabay
Music by PianoAmor from Pixabay

“He’s like someone who can see their dinner coming a mile away”
The panel of peril receive a phone call from an old friend and feel the fog of memories lost clear from their minds. Settling into a long flight home, they turn on this week’s film IT (Tommy Lee Wallace, 1990).
The Losers are a group of ordinary kids, they like messing around in the woods, telling jokes, and being bullied by a bunch of douchebags. Maybe not that last one. But when a killer named Pennywise The Dancing Clown (Tim Curry) targets them, and the adults don’t help, they take matters into their own hands.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8i3_2iGTQi8
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
The Losers defeat Pennywise and think him dead, but when he returns 30 years later so too must they to finish what they started. Featuring an all-star cast including John Ritter, Annette O’Toole and Seth Green, IT tells the tale of Pennywise’s quest for revenge against those damn Losers who took him down all those years ago.
What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be anointed this week’s most diabolical?
The Chuckle Brothers play Hitman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh_6qXsOrK4
Scotch (Video) Tape Ad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJzRpgXvM2I

“Do you know who gives you good production values? God, that’s who”
The panel of peril walk solemnly through a small, prosaically-named town, before being accosted by a surly local sheriff. He takes us down the nick, locks us in a cell, throws away the key, but does leave us with a copy of this week’s film, First Blood (Ted Kotcheff, 1982), for company.
John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone), devastated by the loss of a friend, wanders through the town of Hope. He’s stopped by Sheriff Teasle (Brian Dennehy) who doesn’t like the cut of his gib and tries to remove him from town, before arresting him. That just makes things worse if anything, as Rambo goes on a rampage, fuelled by PTSD and anger. Can Teasle stop him?
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAqLKlxY3Eo
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********Calling in the National Guard, Teasle has really lost his handle on the situation until the arrival of Trautman (Richard Crenna), Rambo’s commanding officer, and his ‘creator’. Now that first blood has been drawn, is there any way to end the battle across Hope without any further bloodshed?
What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon the villain’s dastardly scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect by Archideax from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay

“Delegation – that’s what you need”
The panel of peril dance a jig around their bedroom to some ‘heavy metal’, jump in an incredibly bubbly bath, before heading down to the beach to watch a special screening of The Lost Boys (Joel Schumacher, 1987).
When the Emerson family (Michael, played by Jason Patric; Sam, played by Corey Haim; and Lucy, played by Dianne Wiest) moves to Santa Carla they set about finding their peer groups. Sam finds the Frog Brothers (Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander), Lucy finds Max (Ed Herrmann), and Michael finds a group of ne’er-do-wells led by David (Kiefer Sutherland). Slowly being drawn into the gangs underground world, it won’t be long before the truth is revealed: The Lost Boys are vampires, and they want to recruit Mike!
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1Iqy6m7U7c
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
But what’s their endgame, eh? Turns out kindly, middle-aged video store owner Max is the head vampire and he want to turn the whole Emerson family into creatures of the night, in order to make a new family. A sort of macabre Brady Bunch. Or like Peter Pan, whatever you like. Will the Emersons and the Frog Bros. be able to curtail their fiendish ambitions?
What did the heck panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

“Physics should prevent that popcorn from staying in his mouth”
The panel of peril hole up in deserted, isolated cottage in the dead of night, put their sausages away (meaning intestines, you dirty sods), and stick the box on to watch England vs Germany… I mean Dog Soldiers (Neil Marshall, 2002).
A small group of soldiers, led by Cooper (Kevin McKidd) and Wells (Sean Pertwee), are sent on a training exercise in the Scottish Highlands, but are caught unawares by the appearance of a hard-ass commanding officer Ryan (Liam Cunningham). Something has happened to him, under the light of the full moon, that will change the collective’s lives forever.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr3JBedQEjQ
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
The thing that changes their lives, I’m just going to say it, is werewolves. Yep, werewolves are real folks, and they’re a family. When the gang accidentally hole up in their cottage to wait the night out, we’re dealing with a Goldilocks style situation, except there’s werewolves instead of bears and soldiers with guns instead of little girls. But what does Ryan want to do with these wolves, I wonder?
Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect by MAXOU-YT from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect by UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay

“Liberty X Marks The Spot”
The panel of peril park their Lexus, remove their string back leather gloves (worn for that bit of extra purchase) and settle down on the banquette to watch this week’s film Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (Declan Lowney, 2013).
When world famous local radio DJ Alan Partridge’s (Steve Coogan) radio station is taken over by a media conglomerate it sets in motion a chain of events which has Alan working with the rozzers to try to defuse a potentially violent siege. That siege being the work of disgruntled, ex-radio host Pat Farrell (Colm Meaney). What a ruddy palaver!
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u56d3sLReuA
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Initially acting as hostage negotiator, Alan’s fortunes takes a turn for the worse when Pat discovers his role in his removal from Shape (formerly North Norfolk Digital). He’s a man with nothing left to lose, but unfortunately for him he’s up against a man with the world in the palm of his unnaturally clammy hand. Alan Partridge.
What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon the villain’s dastardly scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?
Music by Nojisuma via Pixabay, How do I get to the castle?
Sound effect via Pixabay, Drum Roll Please
Sound effect via Pixabay, Timpani Roll kevinsticks

“All things considered, I won’t be dressing up as The Matrix for Halloween anytime soon”
Waking up from an impromptu early evening nap at their work desk, the panel of peril are alarmed to find their computer seeming to type out words of its own accord. Those words? “Settle in and watch this week’s film The Matrix (The Wachowskis, 1999).” Woah.
Thomas Anderson (Keanu Reeves) is a workaday office drone with a side-line in computer hacking. But when he is contacted by the mysterious Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) on behalf of the mysterious Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne), well that is when the mystery becomes truly mystifying. The world that we know is nothing but the simulation of machines that have taken over in the real world, using humans only as a power source by plugging them into The Matrix. Woah.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKQi3bBA1y8
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Being unplugged from The Matrix and joining the resistance in the real world, Neo soon learns that he is The One; the saviour of mankind who will lead the fight to overthrow the machines. But The Matrix has other ideas (it’s a tricky sod, like that) and deploys programs such as Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) and turncoats such as Cypher (Joe Pantoliano) to ensure the humans don’t get apricot one. Woah.
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical? (Woah)
Music by 26836267 from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay