DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better

“We had a wonderful conversation. Please don’t print it in the newspapers that I got mad”
The panel of peril sanitise their hands, walk out of the hospital that they’ve been visiting a badly burned acquaintance in, and thank the staff for all of their hard work. Because we support the NHS. And the Postal workers, heck all of Britain’s workforce! Once home, the panel grab a glass of blackcurrant squash and turn on this week’s film The Dark Knight (2008).
Bruce Wayne/Batman (Christian Bale) believes that he is winning the war on crime in Gotham. The Scarecrow (Cillian Murphy) is back behind bars, Salvatore Maroni (Eric Roberts) and the mob are scared to be seen dealing in public, and there’s a new idealistic District Attorney by the name of Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). But chaos lies in wait as the mysterious Joker (Heath Ledger) enters the fray to unmask Batman.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQfATDZY5Y4
The Joker is a very changeable fellow: first he says his plan is to kill Batman, then he decides he’d rather unmask Batman, then he thinks he’d rather see Batman kill someone (even if it’s him), and finally lands on Harvey Dent turning on his crime fighting allies Batman and James Gordon (Gary Oldman). What a ride. Will he succeed in his campaign of corruption, or will it be Batman triumphant?
Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?
Sound effects from Pixabay
Also, forgot to mention it in the podcast, but check out The Tangerine Knight for a quick giggle at Bruce and Alfred's expense The Tangerine Knight - YouTube

“Wes Anderson uses the power of symmetry to travel through time and space”
The panel of peril square up to one another all of a sudden, snarl, and flap their arms around whilst saying things like “Cuss you!” “Cuss me! Cuss you.” Things soon de-escalate though, they are friends after all, and they take a pew to watch Wes Anderson’s Roald Dahl’s Fantastic Mister Fox (2009).
Foxy (George Clooney) is an animal who has it all; a beautiful wife (Felicity voiced by Meryl Streep), smart son (Ash voiced by Jason Schwartzman) and a lovely home inside a tree. But it’s never enough for the little cuss. When the foxes nephew Kristofferson (voiced by Eric Anderson) comes to visit, it sets off a chain of events that will threaten the lives of the whole family.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2igjYFojUo
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Plotting to raid the farms of local hard men Boggis, Bunce and Bean, Foxy has not considered the terrible wrath that might be rained down upon him if he gets caught. And caught he is, and swift the terrible wrath also is. Kristofferson is captured and the cast of family and friends are trapped with no hope of food or drink. How will they resolve this little pickle, I wonder?
What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be anointed this week’s most diabolical?
Music by Caffeine_Creek_Band from Pixabay

“Well, you’ve blown my toy”
The panel of peril run screaming around the house like a bunch of absolute little monsters amongst an army of siblings and extended family. It is, to be honest, an absolute nightmare. Fortunately they have the respite of settling in to watch a Boxing Day treat in the form of 1990’s Home Alone!
Kevin McCallister (Macauley Culkin) is just an ordinary kid: he likes plain pizza, leaving toys laying around all over the shop, and not having to sleep in the same space as bed wetters. But when he is accidentally left behind by the family on their trip to Paris he has to contend with The Wet Bandits, Marv (Daniel Stern) and Harry (Joe Pesci) as they attempt to ransack the empty homes of their quiet Chicago suburb.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEDaVHmw7r4
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Rather like Hans Gruber last week, Harry and Marv didn’t plan for a spanner in the works of their plan as little Kevin rigs his house with obstacles, ready for their intrusion. Micro Machines, cans o’ paint, blow torches, and a simple nail all stand in the Wet Bandits’ way. Can they secure the loot, silence Kevin and/or escape with their lives? Not if comedy has anything to say about it.
What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the Bandits’s masterplan? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

“Breaking her down mentally,” “Like Craig does with porridge”
The panel of peril arrive for their annual Christmas party, meet the office coke fiend, argue with their estranged wife, and then settle in to watch the first of our Christmas films of the year: John McTiernan’s 1988 classic Die Hard.
John McClane (Bruce Willis) is a New York cop visiting his estranged wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) at her work’s Christmas party in wacky Los Angeles. That party takes place at the beautiful Nakatomi Plaza, and it’s about to have some unwanted party guests. Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) and his gang of teutonic henchmen are a big gang of party poopers with a plan that isn’t as simple as it first appears.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaJuwKCmJbY
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Initially posing as common or garden terrorists, Gruber’s gang of goons are soon revealed to be nothing more than common or garden robbers. The loot they seek takes the form of untraceable bearer bonds and they are merely using the guise of terrorist as a cunning ruse. But they didn’t bargain on a rough, tough New York cop crawling through air vents and what have you, picking them all off one at a time. Planning for that would be very difficult. Very hard… Die Hard.
Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?
Ho ho ho!
Music by SoundGalleryByDmitryTaras from Pixabay
Sound Effect by beetpro from Pixabay
Music by Daddy_s_Music from Pixabay
Music by SoulProdMusic from Pixabay

“Give them a genetically engineered giant conker”
The panel of peril awaken in their massive new blue alien bodies and go for a joyous run through a bioluminescent jungle before settling in to watch James Cameron’s Avatar (2009).
When paraplegic Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) is tasked with inserting his consciousness into an alien avatar body on the moon of Pandora he does his duty. That duty is to bargain with the indigenous people, the Na’vi, to gain access to their sacred land and mine for precious Unobtainium. Ahhh, but what if Jake should unexpectedly fall in love with a Na’vi named Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), eh? Didn’t think of that, did they? Idiots.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PSNL1qE6VY
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Whilst ostensibly under the command of hard-ass human Colonel Quaritch (Stephen Lang), Jake’s mission to negotiate resettlement with the Na’vi soon falls by the wayside. Becoming one with the Omaticaya tribe and the moon itself, Jake soon joins the Na’vi resistance to fight against the human invaders. But what hope do blue cat people have of turning back the tide when pitting bow and arrow against giant mech with mega-massive knife?
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

“Drink blood out of Gandhi’s head”
The panel of peril awaken to find that the pilots of their small prop plane have left them in the lurch, hop in a rapid inflating dinghy, and glide to the safety of a tumultuous river, landing in a small Indian village just in time to watch this week’s film Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)!
Uncannily, this exact series of events also befalls Indy (Harrison Ford), Willie Scott (Kate Capshaw) and Shortround (Ke Huy Quan) as they are drawn into the Indian locals’ search for the children and mystical shankara stones that are missing from their village. Indy and the gang are on a mission to find them all even if this conspiracy goes to very high places.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOwWfns4qqw
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Steven Spielberg’s prequel to Raiders of the Lost Ark sees our intrepid archaeologist on the hunt for the most valuable resource of all: coal children. His investigation sees him consult with the Maharajah and Prime Minister who, unbeknownst to Indy, are using the missing children as slave labour to hunt down the last of the shankara stones. Will Dr. Jones and the gang uncover the secret temple below Pankot Palace, and then the mine with kids mining, and then recover the stones, and then escape with their lives? Probably.
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
Music by SergeQuadrado from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Music by NickyPe from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Barbara Streisand, Carrie Fisher & Irvin Kershner visit The Temple of Doom set: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9tYZBLX2lA

“Just like Lloyd Christmas in his dreams”
The panel of peril valmorphanize their gondola into a very slim car, straighten their ties, cock their eyebrows suggestively, and then take in a viewing of this week’s film Moonraker!
Moonraker (1979), directed by Lewis Gilbert, find Roger Moore’s James Bond locked in a game of wits with Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) when a Moonraker space shuttle is stolen in very mysterious circumstances. With the iconic Jaws (Richard Kiel) in hot pursuit, Bond must unravel the mystery of the missing spacecraft and determine exactly what it is that Drax’s scientists are doing with a lab full of orchids.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFOOjYU16KE
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Naturally, there’s a lot more to Drax’s evil scheme than first meets the eye. He plans on taking those he deems humanity’s best and brightest to his space station orbiting Earth. Why? To ride out the poisonous atmosphere that he intends to unleash upon the planet, only returning to terra firma when it is safe to do so and repopulate. Bond’s got his work cut out for him this time – will he succeed in foiling Elon Musk Hugo Drax’s plan?
Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?
Radiohead’s version of the SPECTRE theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COP0XlYHvto
Music by Lexin Music via Pixabay

“Mama Fratelli as played by Rip Torn”
The panel of peril activate some sort of Rube Goldberg device, put on a hard-wearing pair of boots that are ideal for spelunking (or so the Littlewoods catalogue description said), then settle in to watch the first film of season 2, The Goonies!
The Goonies features an all-star cast of child stars (Josh Brolin, Sean Astin, Ke Huy Quan, Corey Feldman) on the hunt for One Eyed Willie’s lost treasure. But there’s a family of criminals fast on their trail named the Fratellis. Along with a mysterious sibling known only as Sloth…
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFEfHCJG4G4
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Oh my, my, my, those wonderful little Goonies and their search for that pirate treasure. See how they go looking in caves and pirate ships and that. Ha ha, ho ho! But what’s this; a bunch of baddies chasing them whilst trying to evade the police and what have you? Ha ha ha, delightful! Will The Goonies find the treasure, or will the Fratellis nab it for themselves and escape with the loot?
What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villains’ masterplan (such as it is)? And who will be coronated this week’s most diabolical?
Music by 27202754 from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay

“You slaggin’ me?”
The panel of peril stand side by side, stare into the bathroom mirror whilst having a group shave and DO NOT say Candyman five times because that would be very silly indeed. Instead, they finish shaving, towel off the excess moisture from their faces and sit down to watch Nia DaCosta’s legacy sequel to Candyman… Candyman!
Candyman (2021) finds local artist Anthony McCoy (Yahya Abdul Mateen II) drawn into the folklore of urban legend the Candyman whilst researching for his latest piece. But a fateful trip to the projects of Cabrini Green will send him down an irrevocable path of horror following a chance encounter with a bee and local Candyman lore-master William Burke (Colman Domingo). Will Anthony escape the clutches of the mythical monster (Tony Todd), or will he join a long list of victims?
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikDJlfuU758
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
As Anthony investigates the differing tales of the Candymen who have haunted Cabrini Green throughout the ages local launderette owner Burke enacts his evil scheme. He manipulates the artist’s every move as he twists Anthony’s mind, body and soul into that of the newest incarnation of Cabrini Green’s vengeful spirit. But to what end? And will Burke succeed in his diabolical plan?
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
Music by QubeSounds from Pixabay

“Catching blood in a Snap, Crackle and Pop bowl”
The panel of peril throw themselves in front of a gunman during a prison escape, get bundled into a high-tech plane, transported to the hidden nation of Wakanda, and upon waking go “Buhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” They then watch the MCU’s Black Panther before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod. Normal Monday stuff.
Black Panther (2018) sees T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) struggle to modernise the country he presides over, and he is hindered by challenges from within (M’Baku played by Winston Duke) and without (Killmonger played by Michael B. Jordan and Klaue played by Andy Serkis). Can T’Challa stave off those threats, protect his nation and atone for his family’s past misdeeds?
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjDjIWPwcPU
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Eric Killmonger is a man with a chip on his shoulder. Cousin of T’Challa, his claim to the throne of Wakanda is fuelled by the trauma of witnessing his father’s murder at the hands of (former Wakandan sovereign) King T’Chaka as a child, and the burden of the weight of history of African Americans being sold into slavery. He’s a powder keg ready to explode, but will he succeed in a hostile takeover of Wakanda and then the planet?
What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villains’ masterplan? And who will be coronated this week’s most diabolical?
Music by 24414830 from Pixabay
Sound Effect from Pixabay